Dear Tooth Fairy,

I would like to keep my tooth.  I lost this one eating a hot dog while I was ice fishing!  I caught the first fish while ice fishing!

I built you a fairy house, it’s not finished yet, but it’s by the garage by the stream.  It’s kind of snowed in right now, but you can come check on it when I dust the snow off.  Try to drop some supplies when you’re near our house.  Please put them on the porch or near the fairy house.

Thanks, Tooth Fairy.

Luv,

Declan

TF’s RESPONSE to Declan, plus the customary note for Quinn (sibling tax):

Dear Declan,

Happy New Year!  Congratulations on losing your first tooth of the year!  Were you surprised?
I’m so glad it happened during a special event for you — ice fishing! I happened to be flying by today and saw
you ice fishing with your friend!  He’s not one of my tooth fairy kids — what’s his name?  And congratulations
on catching the first fish – way to go!

Believe it or not, I have visited your fairy house already!  I LOVE it!!  It’s just so perfect!  I visited it after the first snowfall and some snow fell on me!  I’m afraid to go back and get my wings wet again while the snow is still there.  Do you know how long these things take to dry?!  Maybe I can help you build a roof or something.  I promise I will drop some materials off for you that I find on my journeys.

I also want to say that you are doing such a good job taking care of your teeth, lately!

Love, TF

Dear Kate,

Happy New Year!  You are getting stronger, you are growing, and you’re almost 5!  You are doing a great job of taking care of your teeth!  Did you know that the carrots and clementines that you eat are good for healthy teeth and body, too?  Brushing takes care of the outside of your teeth, eating healthy foods takes care of the *inside* of your teeth!  Too much sugar, like in cookies, cake, or candy, can really mess up your teeth.  Keep up the good work!

Love,

Tooth Fairy

———————————————————

Dear Declan,

Congratulations on losing another tooth! Thanks for the great note and the offer to build me a special house.
I’d be happy to drop off some materials whenever I fly near your house. I checked it off on your note, but I’ll put it here too, I’d really like my house to be by the stream. I love the sound of water! Also, thank you for the great present you made me, I can’t wait to show the other fairies, and for the great pictures you always add to my notes.

You asked what I look like, well, I have brown hair, and it’s pretty long right now, though I like to change my haircut a lot, so it might be short next time I visit. I have green eyes and pointy ears. My wings are mostly green and brown, but there are some hints of gold and purple in them too. Thanks for asking!

Love, TF

Dear Quinn,

Wow, Declan is losing so many teeth! I know it will be time for me to start collecting your teeth soon! Be sure and take good care of them for me!

Love, Tooth Fairy

The first note turned out to be a big deal for me.  I thought we’d just leave the treasure (a $1 coin) in response to Declan’s note.  But he asked questions, and I was thrown for a loop.  How should a Tooth Fairy note appear?  What are other things people do in Tooth Fairy traditions that I’d never think of?

Here’s what I ended up with after (literally) hours of checking on our HudsonValleyParents.com website, random Internet research, and crafting something sustainable we could repeat over and over again, for both kids for years (?) to come.  The Tooth Fairies messages are written in a tiny font size, in special fairy-font style, printed and cut out and left under his pillow with the $1.  Declan collects *everything*, and I was sure he’d be disappointed to miss out on keeping his lost teeth, so the Tooth Fairy invites him to decide whether to keep it or not, guessing correctly that he’d want to hold onto it himself.

1) Dear Declan,

Congratulations on losing your first tooth! Allow me to introduce myself.  I am the Tooth Fairy! I’m so happy to come visit you!  I’ll be back for every tooth you lose.  Thanks for your note.  I love notes!

You asked what I do with the teeth I take.  Different tooth fairies do things differently.  Here’s what I do — I ask the child.  Do you  want to keep the tooth or shall I turn it into fairy dust?  (Fairies need lots of fairy dust!) Either way, you get a little something from me. I’ll leave your tooth here tonight.  You can write back and let me know if you to keep it or let me take it.

See you soon, for your next tooth!

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

Now, Quinn hasn’t lost any teeth and probably won’t for a while, but she wrote a note to the Tooth Fairy, too.  So she always gets a note under her pillow now, too.  But, what to say?  Here’s what she got for the first note:

Dear Quinn,

Thank you for your note!  When you are five or six, you will lose a tooth like Declan.
I love to fly.  Thank you for giving your note to me!

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

The second note to Declan for Tooth #2 was pretty basic:

2) Dear Declan,

Congratulations on losing your second tooth!  I love your notes.  Have a grrrrrrrrreat day!

See you soon, for your next tooth!

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

It happened around the time of Quinn’s birthday in March — here is the note she got:

Dear Quinn,

Happy Birthday!  I’ll bet you got lots of good presents and had a wonderful party.

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

Now, for the third one around his 7th birthday, Mike helped the Tooth Fairy out and handwrote the notes, and I can’t find them right now to share here.  But the content had to do with  how many Tooth Fairies there are.  Mike said something about it being Regional, like one Fairy covers a particular Territory.  Here was my draft before I went to bed that night:

3) Dear Declan,

Congratulations on losing your third tooth!  I love your notes – great pictures, too!

You asked how many tooth fairies there are — there are

Have a wonderful BIRTHDAY!!!

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

D’s two latest teeth were lost recently within the past week.  The first of the two came out while he was eating a Chipwich after we went swimming.  I was waiting for him to get in the car with it, when he started freaking out and trying to spit something out.  He was so upset, he doesn’t like the blood aspect that happens when the tooth is released.  It turned out to be a totally different tooth than the very, very loose top one we’d been waiting for.  He doesn’t like to wiggle them, he says he likes for them to come out on their own.  So he doesn’t really tell us how things are progressing unless we ask, and if we ask too much, he won’t say.  So, this tooth taught me a lot.  I hadn’t really understood up to this point how much the loose teeth bother him, and how much the blood taste bothers him.  He’s told me in the past (the last tooth, actually) that he can tell what day the tooth will come out, because it becomes extra annoying in his mouth.  Well, this one caught all of us by surprise.  So the Tooth Fairy note addresses this in her message, as well as answering the questions he asked in the note.  He copied a ruler onto his notepaper and asked her how tall she is.  I found the note D wrote to the Tooth Fairy, I’ll post any others as I find them again.

Dear Tooth Fairy,

I would like to keep my tooth. And please draw a line on the ruler to tell me how tall you are. Are there boy and girl Tooth Fairies? Love, Declan

p.s. — Please leave this note here.

4)  Dear Declan,

Congratulations on losing your tooth!  Well *that* was a little unexpected, wasn’t it?
As you requested, I’m leaving your tooth here for you to keep.  And I have a feeling
I’ll be back again soon……

I love getting your notes when I come to visit you while you’re sleeping!  Thank you!
Yes, there are boy and girl Tooth Fairies. Which do you think I am?
Also, you asked how tall I am — I’m about the same size as the dollar I’m leaving here for you.
Great questions!

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

And for Quinn…..

Dear Quinn,

How are you?  How are your teeth doing?  Were you surprised when Declan lost his tooth?

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

So, here we are, at tooth #5.  I feel like I’m really starting to get the hang of how the Tooth Fairy rolls at our house.  This tooth was hanging on by a thread, and when Declan bent down to pet Casey on the way to taking her out the door, she got him in the face with her leg from being so excited.  When he stood up, the tooth was gone and he was in shock like, “What happened??”  We are planning for Declan’s trip to the dentist soon, and it occurred to me that the Tooth Fairy might be a helpful advocate for us around any dentist/cleaning/examination anxiety.  D and Q are also playing some on-line fairy games, where each fairy features a particular Talent.  This got woven into his note, and in the Tooth Fairy’s response:

5)  Dear Declan,

Congratulations on this latest tooth!  I just knew I’d be back so soon!  You got kicked by
Casey, right?  No problem, it was definitely ready to come out.  Sometimes teeth just
need a little help coming out, and our animal friends love to help!

So, yes, you guessed right — I am a girl Tooth Fairy.  How did you know?  Now, about my Talent.  Yes, all fairies have a Talent.  Mine is Tooth Tinker.   I help people celebrate their teeth no matter what age they are.  I help kids celebrate teeth that come out, but I also help when someone goes to the dentist for a cleaning or has a cavity or needs braces or whatever, I  come back and visit you while you’re sleeping to help you feel better about it if you have questions or anything.

I LOVE being a Tooth Tinker!  What’s one of your Talents?

Thanks for your notes and pictures.  I love them.

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

And Quinn’s note, a PSA for good brushing habits…..:

Dear Quinn,

How are you doing?  Are you helping your teeth feel clean every time you brush them?
You have such a beautiful smile.

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

With this on-going correspondence with the Tooth Fairy, Declan feels like he’s got a real “In” on understanding fairies, including size, Talents, etc.  He’s been sharing some of this knowledge with friends when it comes up, but it leaves lots of room for other families to experience fairies differently.  And Quinn wiggles her teeth periodically to check to see if she’s got any candidates to offer up.

So far, so much fun! 

I sat for a while, eventually found myself traveling inward, through the umbilical cord of time.  I encountered some dark and some light, both opportunities for wisdom.  My next step was to draw some cards from Gentle Wisdom of the Faerie Realms.

I posed my question for the cards around parenting, specifically Quinn since it was her birthday, but it felt larger than that.  I asked for support to consider when I reflect on my past, present, and future around parenting.  I especially struggle with expression of anger.  I am away from the parent I wish to be when I am tired, overwhelmed, or feeling threatened.  I’m increasingly aware of the support I need during those times, and I’m seeing some healing for myself in this area.

Card 1 (past): Innocence

Card 2 (present): History

Card 3 (future): Strength

Before reading the interpretive book, I sat to relate and receive each of these concepts on my own.  Reflecting on the term Innocence lightened me when thinking about mistakes I’ve made in past parenting.  It took away some of the charge of the mistakes, helped me to remember there was more going on at any given moment than I am choosing to remember when I focus on the mistakes.  History felt like a huge permission to draw from past experiences while living in the present.  Like it matters.  So often I try to “be present” and feel awkward about where to hold history with that approach.  Drawing that card felt like it goes together in a way I seem to want to embrace naturally but keep pushing away.  Strength seemed a little heavy but true as I look to the future.  To admit that I need strength, then to explore ways I can become stronger.

Here’s what the accompanying text read:

Card 1 (past): Innocence — Open your eyes to your unique beauty.  The closed eyes of naivete lead to victimization.  Open your eyes. Innocence is regained through seeing the truth.  If you find the innocence in yourself and others, you will be able to forgive.

Card 2 (present): History — Your past leads you into your future.  Look to your past to learn, but keep moving into your future where you will bloom and flourish with what you have learned from your history.

Card 3 (future): Use all of your gifts and skills to propel yourself.  If you are stuck or are not moving, try something new — be creative! Life supports you to fly, to express yourself and your true nature.

Then I felt led to read some Tagore.  The quote we used for Quinn’s birth announcement was from this Indian poet: “You are invited to the festival of this world and your life is blessed.”  This morning, I opened the book and felt led to read this exact piece.  This is precisely where I’m at when I get angry.  Precisely.  I’m so grateful to see some of these feelings expressed in such a powerful way.

The Rain Has Held Back for Days
The rain has held back for days and days,
my God, in my arid heart.
The horizon is fiercely naked –
not the thinnest cover of a soft cloud,
not the vaguest hint of a distant cool shower.
Send thy angry storm, dark with death,
if it is thy wish, and with lashes of lightning
startle the sky from end to end.
But call back, my lord,
call back this pervading silent heat,
still and keen and cruel,
burning the heart with dire despair.
Let the cloud of grace bend low from above
like the tearful look of the mother on the day of
the father’s wrath.
~ Rabindranath Tagore

I’ve typed all of this up to give to my best friend who is a tremendous artist.  I’m going to ask her to make pictures with the text so that I can hang them in our house as supports to help guide me when I am angry.  This feels like the most luscious gift to myself, a gift inspired by Quinn’s birthday, which is ultimately a gift to our entire family.

Finally, I tell it to her every year, here it is again for anyone else who’d like to remember along with us: Quinner’s birth story.

As a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom and the owner of a small business, I find it easiest to make phone calls from my car when I’m out with my children because of the span of uninterrupted time it enables me to have a conversation.  From making appointments to catching up with my husband, family, friends, and clients, I do a lot of talking in the car while the kids look out the window at the scenery, read, watch videos, or sleep.  I have always used my hands-free Bluetooth earpiece since it became the law in New York State where I live, so I felt “safe” doing it.

I’d heard about Oprah’s phone show from other episodes where she’d mentioned it, and I was moved by her mentions of the No Phone pledge.  Just hearing about the pledge alone led me to think about my phone use in surprisingly personal ways.

First, how would I feel if I were in my children’s place?  What if I were dependent on someone else to drive me around every day, anywhere I needed to go, but as soon as we got in the car, that person got on the phone?  The perception of that sudden “wall” from being able to talk or connect with the person in the car seems so alienating to me.

And what about my children riding in someone else’s vehicle?  I would be *livid* if someone else were texting or talking while driving my kids somewhere.  So what makes me think I’m any less vulnerable behind the wheel?  Why would I do it?  Most of the people I know have young children riding with them.  We’re *already* distracted drivers!  We don’t need any help doing *more* behind the wheel.

In a subsequent show, Oprah said something like, “I remember what we used to do in the car before cells phones and texting – we used to have time to ourselves, we used to think about things.”  I loved that.  I crave time to just think about things. And here I was, giving that away, letting the rest of the world into my car while I was driving.

So I stopped doing it.

Not making phone calls in the car while driving has been a difficult transition for me.  I keep thinking of people I’d like to talk to, or tasks I’d like to accomplish, and I’m concerned I’ll forget to take care of them if I wait.  But after a while, I feel more relaxed while I’m driving.  I definitely feel more present with my children.

Yesterday, I slipped and I talked on the phone with a friend in my car on my way down the driveway.  I continued driving down my road a few hundred feet and I finally told her I had to hang up, that I’d decided to stop talking on my phone in the car.  She said, “Oh, me too!  Is that the Oprah pledge?”  I felt so encouraged that she’d heard of it and was doing it, too.  So I’m writing this in hopes that others will join us.  Sometimes if I know someone who’s doing it, it makes it easier for me to make the change.

I told my children that I’d give them $1 each time I ever break my pledge, (they loved that!) and I’m giving them their dollars for yesterday’s slip-up.  Ali Wentworth said on Oprah that she told her kids they could yell as loud as they want to if she talks on her phone in the car.

I finally watched Oprah’s actual phone show this morning.  It was a tough one to get through, but I’m grateful for her outreach about this topic and for the families who shared their experiences of losing loved ones through these 100% preventable accidents. I also appreciated learning about some of the science behind what happens during distracted driving.  I didn’t know that the field of view literally shrinks when we are distracted, that we lose peripheral vision.  And we don’t see everything in front of us – we lose lots of details compared to non-distracted driving.  As one victim’s family member expressed, it’s not about where your hands are, it’s where your brain is.

Many of my 30+ year old friends tell me they don’t text while driving and they complain about people who do.  But most of my friends and family talk on the phone while driving, just like I did for years.  People distinguish between texting and hands-free talking, as if distracted driving doesn’t affect them.  Yes, texting while driving is dangerous and it’s stupid.  But the accidents aren’t just from texting!  We’re talking  *Distracted Driving* including hands-free headsets like my beloved Bluetooth, as well as texting. One nine-year old girl was killed on her bikeride home from school, only 15 pedals away from her house.  The driver of the 5,000 lb. SUV was distracted by her phone call and just didn’t see her.  Sometimes the calls that end lives are very brief, like the one the driver was on when he missed the light, that killed a mother/grandmother.

Here’s the link with all of the resources I mentioned, including the No Phone Pledge, the full episode about this deadly habit, and testimonials from the people who lost loved ones in the “After The Show” segment:  http://www.oprah.com/showinfo/Americas-New-Deadly-Obsession

“Just driving” is a new way to drive (more like an old way to drive…), and I love it.  It took me a few days to get used to it, but I love it.  I’ll never have to explain to someone that my driver error stemmed from cell phone use.  Join me, and you’ll never have to say it either.  I’m sharing the pledge with my family, friends, babysitters, and children’s instructors, as well as on-line on Facebook, Twitter, and our website, HudsonValleyParents.com and my friend’s website HudsonValleyHomeschoolers.com.

Thank you for reading my story, sharing it, and helping to make the world better in such a simple, loving way.  Ride in peace.

Then I lifted my fingers off of the keyboard and got up to go for my run I’d been procrastinating “just to check Facebook, first” and Declan said, “Mom, can you help me?”

I hear this pretty regularly, and there was no urgency to this particular request, but I went right into the kitchen. Huge spill of water all over everything all over the kitchen table (covered with craft supplies that had just been put away the day before, only to be reopened ten minutes later) and the floor.

Declan was worried he would lose all of his new “Magic Marbles” (plastic beads that expand into cool gel blobs in a tank of water) and was standing there, trying to keep them from rolling onto the floor. The first thing out of my mouth was kind of a mean, irritated, “Get a towel!” Then, in kind of a huge-overblown-life-lesson kind of way, with a tinge of sarcasm, “The first thing we do in a huge crisis like this is get a towel.”

As I left the room to get a large towel, I thought, wow, did you *just* write that whole thing about openness, possibility, and hope? Got nothing nice to say right now? Then clam it.

Returned to the scene of our mini-flood, wondering how so much water could come out of such a small vessel, and he and I worked around each other, Declan scooping up gel marbles, me sopping up endless streams of water. Then I tried again something new I’ve done when I get angry. I wondered what else I could “see” about the situation. I saw in myself this massive irritation, like a personal affront, that just as I was about to go for a run, I had to clean up this crazy mixed-media mess. Fine, you’re angry. Moving on…..

And I suddenly saw this amazing little boy who loves his new Magic Marbles so much.

I saw my son assume total responsibility for them, carefully scooping up each blobby bead, one at a time.

I saw my memory of how he bought them with his own money last night, so excited.

I saw his total focus on the task.

And then….
I saw that this had been an accident.
I knew that going in, but suddenly I saw it for what it was. Just an accident he asked for a hand with in cleaning up.
And I saw the gift in watching him in this way, something I would have missed were it not for this spill.

As I put away the craft supplies that survived, threw out the ones that didn’t make it, I realized that I was now seeing a clean kitchen table, something I really wanted to do before he started doing his Magic Marbles on it, but didn’t.

I saw the clear space between us, too. How he was so animated about his other grow-creatures project in the other jar, and how he felt free to guess with me what the next encapsulated bug would turn into. He knew I wasn’t angry, I was just loving him and wiping up the water. Which I then saw as what it was available to be all along – an act of love.

I felt so good about this, and thought, I have to share this story. Then Quinn came in and said, “MOM CAN YOU GET MY DOLLY DRESSED? RIGHT NOW!”

I just breathed. And I realized a little more.
Just take it down a notch. We’re not going for perfect parent. We’re not going for “never yells” right now. We’re just taking it down a notch. That I can do.

I was reminded of an interview with Sheryl Crow who said that while you can play the same chords on the guitar as James Taylor, you’ll never sound like him. There’s just something about the way it sounds against his body when he plays, it’s magical. That’s how I feel about Declan’s music on the guitar.

I said, “I just love your songs, Declan.” He seemed pleased but also matter-of-fact about it. “I just make them up.” He asked me if I play guitar, gesturing to the adult-sized one hanging next to his on the wall. I told him no, but I’d always wanted to learn. He asked why I hadn’t learned. I started to reply, “I never took lessons,” but I don’t want him to think that the only way to learn things is through lessons. So I said, “I just never got the hang of it.” He said brightly, “I can teach you!” And he proceeded to show me how to strum and move my fingers around to change notes. How great is this kid?

We have a Google spreadsheet with basic budget targets, and we use the on-line financial tool, Wesabe, to track all of our income and expenditures. Mike set these up months ago, and after a flurry of activity at the beginning, my interest waned and I never followed through consistently. Now I’m more committed to it and enter the figures regularly.

Last week, we added something new into the mix, where I could actually reap the benefits of all of those dutifully-entered numbers: a money date. I concocted this idea after realizing that I wanted to sit down with Mike, uninterrupted, in non-crisis mode, and review reports generated out of our spreadsheets, kind of a financial state-of-the-state for ourselves. But I was conflicted about getting a babysitter to do this, having to *pay* someone for us to discuss money. Seems counterproductive to me. So I suggested meeting early, 6am, before the kids wake up, and he was game. After a few reschedules since we kept going to sleep too late, we finally met. It was wonderful.

We went through the budget but had lots of issues with the software. Still, I got a good starting point for an overall picture of our expenditures, specifically in the areas I deal with most: groceries, child expenses, and childcare. It was great to play with the numbers, analyze patterns, and update categories that had changed over time from our original budget and spreadsheet.

Since we couldn’t access more specific data I was hoping for and we still had time, I also asked Mike a number of targeted questions about my business. That was very helpful as well. I was determined to get past abstract answers and got solid answers to questions I had been wondering about. We both left with “homework” in the way of reports and answers to some questions that came up from both of us, as a follow-up for our next meeting on Tuesday morning. I didn’t think we’d make it all happen in a single meeting, but I am surprised by how much came up for both of us in terms of questions and clarifications. We’ll be doing these meetings for a while, I’m sure.

It was great to discuss money in a planned, non-loaded way instead of responding in crisis-mode. I recommend the money date as one way to tackle finances with your partner or family.

Here’s one. I heard so many times, not just at the conference but on the related e-mail list, how great it is to “let kids be themselves.” I truly believe in and agree with this concept. But at the conference I got to see it for myself day after day, from the elevator to the Ball, kids who are vibrant and fun and just *alive* with wonder and excitement and sensitivity and joy and play, and full of energy. I’m also, in general, very (overly?) sensitive to bothering people in shared space, such as the hotel or group activities. I love how the universe helped me to reach a deeper level around this.

So, my typical way of honoring my kids during times of rich, loud, space-taking (-claiming) exuberance has been to redirect redirect redirect. I did this for 10 years as a seasoned teacher, and I did some of this with my children at the conference, including at the dance when my son was racing around. I was concerned he’d wipe out a smaller child (hard to see that quickly in the special lighting) as well as just detract from the experience for other people, dodging a fast little boy darting in and out of the chairs and tables. But mostly, I was uncomfortable with his energy. Even when he was just stacking chairs. It really set off some powerful triggers for me, even as my husband jumped in to help him. When we moved to race around in the adjacent room, I asked my husband, who seemed surprised we’d moved, if he thought I was being too conservative. He said, yeah, maybe, but whatever.

I’ve thought about this for a week now, and I am delighting in a huge, grounding discovery — how often I am uncomfortable with the “bigness” of my children’s expansiveness, how much of the world they claim just in physical space and sound. I. had. no. idea. I am so used to redirecting, or bailing after an activity that seems “too much” that it had never occurred to me until the Shine! conference — What if I just go with it??

I’ve done lots of work in this realm already around releasing arbitrary limits. But wow. Their basic selves. I had no idea I was limiting their Selves due to *my* discomfort in some way. Not aligning myself with them or engaging in the thing along with them, but witnessing and in some way distancing mySelf from my children.

I’d say I’m horrified by this realization, but honestly, I see this as the beginning of the rest of my life. As I heard Anne Ohman share at the conference, “Yesterdays are just that, yesterdays. We can’t change that.” We’re looking at right now and moving forward.

So, back to this morning, what cemented this idea for me and led to writing to you…

When my son woke up, and I saw him getting out of bed, I went to him. We snuggled. We snuggled for a really long time, just holding each other tightly and Being. And after a long while, Declan started playing “I Spy…” and we played a bunch of rounds. He emerged from our comforter cocoon and raced wildly around trying to guess what I’d Spied. I felt desperate to give him a clue, to end his “pain” and “frustration,” (WHICH HE WASN’T EXPERIENCING, HELLO, *I* WAS!), and he felt triumphant when he finally guessed it all on his own, the way he wanted it. He even covered my mouth at some point afraid I’d give him a clue.

I was also desperate to end his crazy excitement, jumping around pointing toward this and that, and at some point, I realized, wow. This is truly who this Being is. This is who he is. An “Ah, this is a what-we’re-all-talking-about-but-I’m-seeing-a-new-level-of-it” kind of Who He Is. This amazing, dedicated, persevering, excited, fun soul I get to spend my life with. How often do I just let him be like this in his own time and in his own space? Without a “redirect.” (read: energy diminisher) Yes, he gets that freedom a lot of the time. But I suddenly found so many *more* places to release and *more* ways to let go and celebrate my boy just being my boy. And same with my daughter.

That other stuff? My stuff? Hypersensitivity to others? Sure, of course, I still believe in respect for shared space. But I’m suddenly consciously pulling back from perceived or imaginary boundaries around it as I find my new way with it. I’m going “bigger.” And I’m infusing this new way with loads more respect for *my children* in that space. Who have a right to be there too, in all of their fullness and majesty. I just feel more relaxed in general, more soft, more loving, more open, filled with joy where fear-of-perception has had such a stronghold in me for so long.

I love how Anne put it in her opening remarks. She reminded us of how much kids can open us up, show us new experiences we might never have otherwise. And how awesome it is when our kids say this to us (whether directly or in essence), like how I imagine Declan and Quinn are saying to me:
“You’re Welcome!”

Love,

Erica

Click on the Animal School video for the brief movie version:

http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/

Here’s a written version.
The School For The Animals

An old story tells of the creation of a school for the animals. In this school, everybody took the same four courses: flying, swimming, climbing, and running. Among the students were a duck, a flying squirrel, a fox, and an elephant. These four were highly motivated, and wanted to get good grades, so they all tried very hard.

The duck did fantastically well in swimming and flying, but he lagged behind his classmates in climbing and running, so focused special attention on those two subjects. However, his feet became so sore from trying to run and his wings were so bedraggled from trying to climb that by the end of the year he not only failed both those subjects, but made C’s in swimming and flying, which had once been his two best subjects.

At the beginning of the school year, the squirrel was first in his class in climbing and running and was second only to the duck at flying. But as the months wore on, he missed so much school from catching pneumonia in his swimming class that he failed everything. To make matters even worse,
because the squirrel constantly squirmed and chattered in class, and had difficulty paying attention, he was diagnosed with a learning disorder. The squirrel eventually was placed in remedial classes and had to be medicated in order to continue with his school work.

The fox was a natural in his running class and scored well in climbing and swimming, but became so frustrated at his inability to get good Grades in flying that he began assaulting his classmates. He even tried to eat the duck. His behavior was so disruptive he was expelled from school. He fell in with a rough crowd and eventually wound up in a center for animal delinquents.

The elephant, meanwhile, developed low self-esteem because he couldn’t do well in any of the subjects. When he sank into clinical depression, his therapist persuaded him to try a different school that focused on subjects such as lifting and carrying. The elephant was disappointed, because careers in lifting and carrying were not as prestigious as careers in flying, swimming, climbing, or
running. Even though he always felt inferior, he managed to make a decent living and support his family.

Mothering is reciprocal. It is not just something we do for our children. It defines us, and it liberates us. When we can mother in a powerful, creative, and transformative way, we can more easily move between our role as mother and our other roles as women, embracing all of our passions, without believing that being a devoted mother compromises us…… Peggy O’Mara, Publisher and Editor, Mothering Magazine