I’ve got a new way to drive, now. I ride in peace. I no longer use my phone in the car while I’m driving.
As a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom and the owner of a small business, I find it easiest to make phone calls from my car when I’m out with my children because of the span of uninterrupted time it enables me to have a conversation. From making appointments to catching up with my husband, family, friends, and clients, I do a lot of talking in the car while the kids look out the window at the scenery, read, watch videos, or sleep. I have always used my hands-free Bluetooth earpiece since it became the law in New York State where I live, so I felt “safe” doing it.
I’d heard about Oprah’s phone show from other episodes where she’d mentioned it, and I was moved by her mentions of the No Phone pledge. Just hearing about the pledge alone led me to think about my phone use in surprisingly personal ways.
First, how would I feel if I were in my children’s place? What if I were dependent on someone else to drive me around every day, anywhere I needed to go, but as soon as we got in the car, that person got on the phone? The perception of that sudden “wall” from being able to talk or connect with the person in the car seems so alienating to me.
And what about my children riding in someone else’s vehicle? I would be *livid* if someone else were texting or talking while driving my kids somewhere. So what makes me think I’m any less vulnerable behind the wheel? Why would I do it? Most of the people I know have young children riding with them. We’re *already* distracted drivers! We don’t need any help doing *more* behind the wheel.
In a subsequent show, Oprah said something like, “I remember what we used to do in the car before cells phones and texting – we used to have time to ourselves, we used to think about things.” I loved that. I crave time to just think about things. And here I was, giving that away, letting the rest of the world into my car while I was driving.
So I stopped doing it.
Not making phone calls in the car while driving has been a difficult transition for me. I keep thinking of people I’d like to talk to, or tasks I’d like to accomplish, and I’m concerned I’ll forget to take care of them if I wait. But after a while, I feel more relaxed while I’m driving. I definitely feel more present with my children.
Yesterday, I slipped and I talked on the phone with a friend in my car on my way down the driveway. I continued driving down my road a few hundred feet and I finally told her I had to hang up, that I’d decided to stop talking on my phone in the car. She said, “Oh, me too! Is that the Oprah pledge?” I felt so encouraged that she’d heard of it and was doing it, too. So I’m writing this in hopes that others will join us. Sometimes if I know someone who’s doing it, it makes it easier for me to make the change.
I told my children that I’d give them $1 each time I ever break my pledge, (they loved that!) and I’m giving them their dollars for yesterday’s slip-up. Ali Wentworth said on Oprah that she told her kids they could yell as loud as they want to if she talks on her phone in the car.
I finally watched Oprah’s actual phone show this morning. It was a tough one to get through, but I’m grateful for her outreach about this topic and for the families who shared their experiences of losing loved ones through these 100% preventable accidents. I also appreciated learning about some of the science behind what happens during distracted driving. I didn’t know that the field of view literally shrinks when we are distracted, that we lose peripheral vision. And we don’t see everything in front of us – we lose lots of details compared to non-distracted driving. As one victim’s family member expressed, it’s not about where your hands are, it’s where your brain is.
Many of my 30+ year old friends tell me they don’t text while driving and they complain about people who do. But most of my friends and family talk on the phone while driving, just like I did for years. People distinguish between texting and hands-free talking, as if distracted driving doesn’t affect them. Yes, texting while driving is dangerous and it’s stupid. But the accidents aren’t just from texting! We’re talking *Distracted Driving* including hands-free headsets like my beloved Bluetooth, as well as texting. One nine-year old girl was killed on her bikeride home from school, only 15 pedals away from her house. The driver of the 5,000 lb. SUV was distracted by her phone call and just didn’t see her. Sometimes the calls that end lives are very brief, like the one the driver was on when he missed the light, that killed a mother/grandmother.
Here’s the link with all of the resources I mentioned, including the No Phone Pledge, the full episode about this deadly habit, and testimonials from the people who lost loved ones in the “After The Show” segment: http://www.oprah.com/showinfo/Americas-New-Deadly-Obsession
“Just driving” is a new way to drive (more like an old way to drive…), and I love it. It took me a few days to get used to it, but I love it. I’ll never have to explain to someone that my driver error stemmed from cell phone use. Join me, and you’ll never have to say it either. I’m sharing the pledge with my family, friends, babysitters, and children’s instructors, as well as on-line on Facebook, Twitter, and our website, HudsonValleyParents.com and my friend’s website HudsonValleyHomeschoolers.com.
Thank you for reading my story, sharing it, and helping to make the world better in such a simple, loving way. Ride in peace.