A funny thing happened to me at the grocery store recently. In addition to gathering our weekly provisions, I had the opportunity to engage in some important insights around my parenting.
Quinn and I headed down an aisle where an employee was stocking shelves. She offered a small sample pack of Diego fruit chews to Quinn, and I reflexively put the bag in my purse assuming Quinn wouldn’t like them. It was hardly a thought, since we never buy them. Suddenly, Quinn protested, gesturing for the bag. I felt confused – Huh? You actually want this? But you don’t like these…..
Whoops! I realized. Wait a minute.
You’ve never even tried these before.
Because I’ve never bought them for you.
Because I got some for Declan a long time ago, he tasted them, and it turned out he didn’t like the way they stuck in his teeth.
And that was that. It never occurred to me to do this process all over again with you and see what *you* thought about them.
Which got me thinking, as you happily munched on your fruit chews and begged for more (leading to many more boxes of thoroughly-enjoyed Diego and Sponge Bob fruit chews since that day).
I began to wonder how much of my parenting Quinn has simply been a default of the way I parent Declan, specifically around his likes and dislikes. Why have I been so surprised that she enjoys swings while he didn’t until much later? Or that she dances and sings along with music while he prefers to listen quietly? Or that she loves dolls while he never got into it? Seriously, why did it take me so long to get her a doll? I guess I just didn’t believe she *really* liked them.
I am continually surprised by how the kids are different, but I’m not sure why. They’re different people. I’m a different parent than I was when D was her age. So why wouldn’t I expect to parent them differently? Or at least remember to offer the same range of choices to Quinn that her brother had?
That said, in a number of other ways, Quinn is continually presented with new opportunities that her brother never had at her age. Through Declan, she witnesses lots of “older kid choices” that wouldn’t be readily available to her otherwise, such as advanced-level craft activities, soccer practice, gymnastics, and computer games.
Thank you, Ms. Hannaford Employee, for that pouch of Diego fruit treats that led to so much more!